Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Four kids, one car, five weeks, 23 states and Canada

After eight years of driving four kids around in a Toyota Corolla (lovingly dubbed the 'barf mobile'), I finally got a new car. After months of shopping around I settled on the LTZ Suburban. I fell in love with the black leather, OnStar, XM Radio, heated and cooled seats, retractable running boards that make me feel like a princess when I step out of the car and rays of heavenly light that poured from what is the largest trunk on the market. Not to mention the hypnotizing effect on the children from the two TV's in the back (Carlos actually started calling the kids zombies because they are so immersed in watching TV they don't pay us any attention at all. Which we love.)

Encouraged by what is essentially a traveling fortress Carlos and I decided to drive to the yearly family 4th of July party in Maryland instead of flying. After about two months of preparation we left our precious widdle dog Magwai with a house sitter and we set off...


We left on the very last day of school and had 10 days to traverse the USA and make it Maryland in time for the 4th of July. The first stop was Utah. Carlos had done a ton of research on Utah and we decided to dedicate a large portion of our trip to it's national parks. We drove from Palmdale to St. George Utah on day 1 and made plans to see Zion National Park the next day. Driving the 15 freeway through Vegas we experienced one of the hottest climates on the trip:



We would find ourselves in rain, thunderstorms and even SNOW on this journey but only in Cali did we experience the searing temperatures seen above. And yes, we are driving a Suburban and getting 76 miles to the gallon. Jealous? Don't be. We were coasting down a hill.

Took a short stop over in Vegas and ran into Caesar's Palace to buy a decent camera. Realized when the parking garage was 111 degrees that bringing Magwai would have never worked out. Here's a shot of the inside of the Palace:


We woke up in a different time zone, having gained an hour entering into Utah. St. George is a small city that boasts nothing noteworthy and we decided to get sandwiches to take into the park as we were told there are few places to eat when inside. This is where I had my first Jimmy John's sandwich which is actually a very popular sub shop that we encountered all across the US. It's known for the same thing that our cupcakes are known for (putting crack in the bread). I love the decor:




We headed out to Zion and we had the first of two things we would deal with frequently on the trip. The first one was that Nadia barfed. The second one was that Carlos started complaining that he missed Magwai. Actually, the later probably started about an hour into the trip but I guess day 2 was the day I thought missing Magwai already was reasonable.

Personally I found Zion to be one of the least interesting parks on the trip. The park is basically a road that runs between some very large reddish mountains. There are some rivers with frigid water that is so cold it hurts to put your feet in it despite how darn hot you are from the unrelenting sun and total lack of wind and shade. I was also fretting about my 12 pack of cupcakes from Nadia Cakes that I left in the car. They were ruined I will have you know, totally ruined.


 



The one thing that I really enjoyed in Zion however was the Weeping Rock. Rain and melting snow seep into the mountain on top, spend months working their way way through the rock and come out on the over hang that they call the Weeping Rock. The ceiling of this mountain actually seems to be raining and it is nice and cool in there as well which made us linger longer than necessary. The water is filtered by the silt inside the mountain which led Carlos to erroneously declare that the water was safe to drink so all the kids spent the next hour catching this dripping rock water in their water bottles and drinking it. On the way out we saw the posted signs warning people not to drink the water because of giardia. Oops.







After the Weeping Wall we reboarded our bus and saw the rest of the park. There were signs everywhere warning people to not feed the squirrels with a disgusting picture of a gruesome squirrel bite on someones hand. This photo later prompted panic and screaming when a curious squirrel came sniffing around our lunch. Wish I had gotten a picture of the sign!






There was some talk of us taking a long hike but with the kids and my bad knee we opted against it. It should be noted that pretty much from the start of the first outing on our trip Nadia had begun to whine "I want to go back to the hotel!" on the quarter of the hour, every hour. Carlos DID make her pee in a bush though in a part of the park where there was no bathroom (which all parents can agree is the ONLY place kids EVER have to use the bathroom.). Admittedly though I was happy to be back in the car and on the way to the hotel after Zion. It was way too hot for my liking!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Poem

Its been awhile since I've posted. I started with one post a day while I was working through my backstock of photos and stories but once I got current, I had to sit back and wait for something to blog about. There's been a couple of times that Naomi has said to me "Mommy, look what Maya did! Can you use it in your blog?" And I would turn to her and say "No baby. Its not enough poop for mommy's blog." Well, the wait is over.

Before we begin, I want you to know that the events we're about to cover happened in ONE incident.

I decided the best way to write about this specific situation was to write it as a poem. Mostly because there's a lot of things that rhyme with the word "poo". This is gonna be fun! Can't you tell?

Ok, here goes...


Here's the girl who made the poo...

And here's the poo that got on her shoe..


Here's the poo that got on the ground...


Sadly that's not all the poo that I found.

Here's the poo that got onto the bed.
There's not much I dread more than poo in a bed!

Here's the poo that got onto the chair... How did poo get from her diaper to there?!
Why would you ever poo in the potty when its so much more fun using poo to be naughty? Watch some cartoons while the poo sits there drying. Then mommy comes in and says "Why are you crying!?"


P.S. I also do greeting cards if anyone is interested.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Sound of Silence

"Wow! The kids were so great today! I actually got through a whole episode of Grey's Anatomy while I folded laundry on the bed and nobody bugged me for anything. I should check in on them, see if they want any snacks or something. Hey girls, do you want some... what the... are you serious? SERIOUSLY?!"







Sigh. At least she smelled good.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Happy Meal Experiment

So today on Facebook someone posted this video called the Everlasting Happy Meal:
http://gizmodo.com/5662271/watch-six-months-of-a-happy-meals-eternal-life

Come on people! Tell us something us moms don't already know! In fact, I have this very experiment in various stages going on RIGHT NOW in the back seat of my Corolla. A petrified chicken nugget, a half eaten fossilized cheese burger (they all still look great by the way).

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Potty Training and The Urban Myth

My German Shepherd was house broken by the age of three months so at the ripe old age of two, I'm not really sure what the hold up is with my toddler. Maya, who will be three in November, has been stuck in the halfway potty trained faze now for about a month. By that I mean she will pee in the potty but #2 will only be done standing by the hutch behind the dining room table.

You can tell a story like mine to a room full of parents and guaranteed you'll get as many different methods for potty training success as there are people in the room. "Try the pull ups! Give her a reward! Read her Everybody Poops!" they'll say. Sadly my copy of Everybody Poops was actually torn to shreds by a mob of toddlers one day in the toy room. Nothing personal- Everybody Poops was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I can't tell you how much joy it brought me, finding page fragments for the next two months all over the house with various pooping animal butts on it. Very inspirational. True story.

Anyway, after four kids I've heard my share of suggestions but to date my all time favorite is the potty training urban myth... you know, the one that says if you put your kid in underwear and let them pee all over themselves, they won't like being wet and will start to use the potty. Yeah. That one.

Usually the person who suggests that you use this method is another parent very close to you who harbors the power of influence, someone you should trust. Usually your sister or mother in law to be exact (insert me narrowing my eyes suspiciously. Hmmmm.).

I'm not saying they're lying exactly. I mean, I guess there could be a chance that their child wore soggy under pants once and immediately converted to the toilet using masses instead of peeing all over the house for three days straight until finally pooping on the sofa. All I'm saying is, this might be a hazing ceremony into some prestigious under ground parenting club and you should consider the odds before proceeding. I'm just saying.

Actually, I think I might suggest it to my sister in law when the time comes. I kind of feel like I've earned it you know? Like its a right of passage.

So everyone, besides the potty training literature, I've got all the stuff I need to further the toilet negotiation between me and my last born and I'm ready to ride this thing out. I warn you, it could be awhile. Just this morning Carlos asked Maya "So where do we do poo-poo Maya?" And she looked him dead in the eye and said "The bathtub!" (not a joke, she really said that). I'll be keeping you posted on the progress I'm sure. For now I will leave you with this video about how your child should wear her potty seat properly. Take notes.


Living In The Eye Of The Storm

I have a favorite quote by Phyllis Diller. "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing ." At my house, its a constant blizzard.

We have a playroom that looks like a scene from the show Hoarders. The other day Nadia came into the living room very excited. "Mommy! I cleaned the play room! Can I get candy?"

Of course I was thrilled and hurried behind Nadia to the play room to see the great job she had done. As we near the open door, Nadia steps inside and proceeds to climb over a pile of toys so that she can make her way to small clearing in the middle of the room.


"See mommy? I cleaned this spot! So I get candy right?" I told her if she stood there and pointed to the spot for the picture, we could work something out.

There are certain things I hate in my house. Crayons. Anything with beads. Playdough.


Damn you Playdough. Damn you to hell.


If you think cleaning up these messes is tiring, you should try making them. Totally exhausting.


 Of course my favorite messes take place in the bathroom.

Of course the toilet paper is just the white- red flag that there's something even better in the toilet waiting for you. Not poop of course! They wouldn't dream about putting poop in a toilet. No, its probably just your make-up bag or car keys. Relax.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Working From Home. A Mommy's Dream.

When I started working from home with my custom cake business, I had a new born, a one year old and a two year old. Needless to say, creating a work-life balance was step number one.

There's only really two things you need to run a successful home business when there's kids around. A great private office and a sturdy reliable baby gate. First I had to get an office. You know, for all my business calls. A quiet place, where the kids constant screaming wouldn't interrupt my client's experience. Ah! There it is! Perfect...


It echoed, yes, but mommy's can't be choosers.

Then I had to figure out how to keep the kids and the work separated. I couldn't have them around the cakes you know? So I went out and spent top dollar on a top of the line baby gate.










I've been meaning to write a very strongly worded letter to the makers of that baby gate.